How to Play The Blame Game more Effectively

As a Couples’ therapist, I see a fair amount of blame. Some unrealistic, some fair.  Who’s kidding who? No one enters a relationship out of a vacuum, but from an array of past relationships, much of which gets projected like … Continue reading -->

How to Stop Fighting With Your Partner

Imagine walking alone in the hills. Out of the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse brown-gray, ‘S’ elongated in the foxtails. You’re stomach catches. You freeze. Your heart is thudding in your chest. Then relief registers, washing through … Continue reading -->

How Internet Pornography is Addictive

Can Internet porn be addictive? The short answer is: yes. However that’s similar to asking whether drinking causes alcoholism: not necessarily. One has to consider relativity when calling anything “addictive”. If it’s a problem then it’s a problem. Arguing whether … Continue reading -->

What Your Partner Really Thinks of You

It’s nothing ground breaking to say that when we fall in love, it is initially with an idealized version of the other person. And once that idealized version, or influence, of love has worn off, it is sorely experienced by … Continue reading -->

Secondary Gains: with Primary Losses

A man walks into a doctor’s office. “Doc, I have a problem. I think I’m a chicken.”

The doctor says, “That is a problem. But I think I can help.”

The man hesitates before responding, “See, the thing is…my wife … Continue reading -->

How Resentment Becomes Self-Defeating

Resentment. Even the word has a sting: the front teeth momentarily grating on the S, the lips bunching inward quickly on the M, and spitting out the T. Just saying it possesses a particular conviction, expressing an unquestionable and unresolved … Continue reading -->

How Men can Communicate Better with Women

Recently I’ve seen a few men in my practice who have admitted—although wincing as they do so, that they are afraid of their wives. Not in any physical way, but of conflict. These are “normal men,” some of whom run … Continue reading -->

Blame doesn’t solve problems

There’s an underlying notion about psychotherapy that the client is supposed to, or encouraged, to blame everything their past-or parents, for the way they and their lives have turned out. And, to a degree, this is valid; beliefs, concepts and, … Continue reading -->

Sexual Performance Anxiety in Men

Possibly every man will suffer from sexual performance anxiety at one time or another during the course of his sexual life. Sexual performance anxiety occurs when a man anticipates having some form of difficulty, such as difficulties with, or maintaining … Continue reading -->

Managing Depression with Exercise

Depression shows itself in a number of ways: A bleak outlook—nothing you can will improve your situation. Loss of interest in daily activities, hobbies, social activities, or even sex. An inability to feel joy and pleasure. Appetite or weight changes. … Continue reading -->